ladyatheist:

fyeahcap:

i find this ask really problematic, but i can’t quite put my finger on it…

Yes. Yes you can. If a kid wants a cookie before dinner you say no. If a kid tries to play in the street you tell them they can’t. If a kid wants to dress up as a racist stereotype, you can damn sure tell them no. You can explain why it’s wrong for them to say certain things without making them feel like they’re bad people. It really isn’t that hard. If your kid came up to you and said “I want to be Black when I grow up” or “I want to be a Black person for Halloween”, I’m pretty damn sure you’d say no to that. (At least I’d hope you’d say no.)

As a parent, it’s your job to tell your children no sometimes. You can’t let your kids say and/or do everything they want to. That’s how we end up with teenagers posting 14 minute long racist rants on the internet and parents acting like they have no idea where the hell that came from. It comes from the parents not stepping in when they were younger and telling their kids that there are some things that you can’t do or say.

Having had an unintentionally discouraging parent, I can say that the above is correct.  I will note, however, that telling a kid “you can’t be a gymnast” when you mean “it’s difficult to be a gymnast, and you may prefer to do something else” is potentially detrimental.  Ms. Blaspheming Bitch has the right idea—explain yourself with words that express what you mean, and not the words that are easiest to say without troubling yourself overmuch.